on being a Mom.

In the spirit of Mothers Day {not that i meant to post Saturday Sunday yesterday} I've been thinking a lot about the role of a mom. On Sunday, the thought was expressed that if everyone had the love for each other that a mom has for her children, the world would be a very different place.

This little girl made me a mom almost 5 years ago. There is no way at that point anyone could have explained to me the love you have for your children.

I learned within the first couple weeks of being a mom how badly you can hurt for your child. Thinking of my baby suffering in any way hurt my heart more than I can describe. It's the knowledge that even though we keep them alive daily, gladly doing everything for their tiny body to make them happy and comfortable, there are some things we cannot control. As much as we would, in a heartbeat, take their pain for them, we just can't. So instead we hurt with them, deep in our hearts. I understand the expression "Love hurts" more fully as a mother.

(hurting with my sickly boy last week)

Since being a mom, I feel like I have been able to have a closer "glimpse" of the love that God has for us as well. I say so often how parenting is the most humbling thing in my life. So many times my kids teach me more than I teach them. I am realizing that the mercy, patience, kindness, etc that I need to have with my kids (and that is sometimes very hard to have) is so very freely given to me from God each day. (and boy do I need it) 

 It's a fairly know phrase to say "I will NEVER____________ when I have kids" before we have kids of our own. Me and Daniel have been there. hah. God has a sense of humor and again I'm going to say it, parenting is extremely humbling. Yep, I have that kid who has thrown a huge tantrum in a public place before, who has sassed me in front of friends, who has probably gotten away with something that another parent would never let slide. One thing that has been very clear to me lately is this: NEVER. judge. another. mom. period. I'm not them, I don't know what they are going through, how their day has been, what they are worried and concerned about. I'm going to raise my hand and say it, it still crosses my mind at times. "Oh, yikes, I wouldn't let my kid do that" or "Good grief lighten up mom." But I 'm stopping myself more often than not because I've been there, or I probably will at some point. We all have very different ways teaching our kids perhaps but one thing is exactly the same, we love them fiercely with every ounce of love we possess and we are trying our very best!

My greatest prayer for my kiddos is that they will grow to know God!  Deeply. Strongly. Personally.

This makes me realize as a mom what a huge responsibility I have for them. I'm their example. SO often in parenting when I don't know what to do, how to react, {how to get him to just sleep for goodness sake} I have to go back to my own life and relationship with God. It might sound silly but I seriously believe that it all goes back to that. {even getting the kid to sleep} If I can show the fruits of the spirit while raising my kids, it's going to be more successful. And boy does it take effort!  

Mom guilt. 

Is this a common phrase?! I know from talking to other moms that it isn't just me. There's always going to be guilt as a mom. I can't tell you how many nights I lay down and feel so horrible and that I just completely failed my kids for the day. Mom guilt can be mean and relentless. It can also be an encouragement for me to do better the next day. Either way, it was not something I was prepared for when I signed up for this parenting thing. ;) 

I feel like I'm in the "thick" stages of being a mom. Three little's at home, still very dependent on me. It can be hard, challenging, exhausting physically, and there are days when I'm simply overwhelmed. But more times than not I love it. I love that they are all here and safe and have "little" problems. Laugh if you want but the other night when I was rocking Sage to sleep in the kids' little bedroom they all share I felt such peace. They are all here, safe, innocent, healthy, within ten square feet of each other and me. It was very comforting to say the least. I know I only can scratch the surface of "motherhood" and I have so much to learn. One thing I'm pretty confident of is that I'll never quit learning with them, growing with them, praying for them.   

{some of the flowers my sweet hubby got me}

I'm so thankful for the help and support I have in Daniel as well! I can say with certainty that I could not do it without him! He helps out so much with housework, watching the kids often, giving them a different kind of love that I cant, and just plain putting up with me on a daily basis. Good thing there is a day devoted just for him. :) 

I have so much respect for single moms out there! You are truly superwoman!!

My mother-in-law

I am so thankful for her. She raised and loved the little boy who is now my husband, long before I.... well, was even a thought in my moms head. hehe. I'm so grateful for her example and love she raised Daniel with. And for all the prayers she prayed for him (and probably still does) and then I'm so thankful that she could "let go" of her little boy so that he could be mine and the father to my kids! That's tough love. (spoken by a hormonal mom who has a little 2 year old boy herself)

Last but definitely not least, my mom.

{time to embarrass her with my sappy rambling}

Thanks for hurting for me. When I was little and got hurt and as I'm older and deal with hurt.

 Thanks for not reacting perfectly when i was a fart as a kid. It helps me when I have my own "mom guilt". (Did you ever think you'd be thanked for the times you wished you could have changed?!) It gives us so much hope and we don't have some false image of being a perfect mom. 

Thanks for not just raising us in a Godly home, but more importantly being a Godly example now for us. 

If I could have a quarter for every time someone has told me how kind and special of a mom I have I'd be filling up a piggy bank by now. 

Thanks for sharing your struggles with us even now. I can't imagine how hard it would be to raise my own kids if I felt like you did it perfectly, or even now don't have frustrations and worries. -Thanks for keeping it real!

Thanks for the prayers you prayed for me when I was growing up and the ones you still lay in bed awake at night praying for my little family, and the rest of your kids.  I think a mothers prayer is probably one of the most precious for Jesus to hear. (that's just my opinion of course) :)

Thanks for being one of my very best friends now. Thanks for letting my pour my heart out without feeling like you will judge or tell me I'm wrong. And thanks for caring enough to "walk on shells" when you do feel like I'm wrong. ;) 

Now that this can probably be labeled  my longest winded blog post to date I had one more thought...

THANK YOU to my other "mom friends" who are doing this mom thing with me now. Whether we're in the same stages or you are farther along than me, you know who you are. I absolutely would not be who I am without you, you friendships, your examples, encouragement, companionship, our laughs, our cries. 

To my sister, sister-in-laws, cousins, friends, church family. I love you all dearly! :)

And to all the other woman who long to be moms, or play the role of "mom" in a small or big way. I say

 "Happy Mothers Day" to you too!!